I Had to Die (and Found the Ocean Inside the Drop)


Hello Beautifuls,


Although it makes me feel a little naked, and it’s also all far beyond the realm of words and third-dimensional comprehension… maybe due to the resurrection energies of spring and Easter, I suddenly felt called to share the story of my own acquaintance with death and rebirth, actually a few cycles of them, which, along with my whole awakening and ascension journey, have kept me pretty engaged in the last few years 😅🙏🕊

If your life is like it’s always been, it probably won’t (yet) resonate. You may even feel triggered, or think I’m a bit delusional, or speaking butterfly language, and you may not understand. But save it maybe, just in case…

There has been a huge quantum shift in consciousness happening recently, and the energies for humanity’s collective awakening are here, and they aren’t playing, actually, they are getting stronger and stronger. More and more people are being activated now every day, and often have to go through a period of suffering, as old realities start collapsing, with the new ones not having yet arrived, and it can be painful, especially if they deny or fight the process, or don’t understand what’s happening to them.

It may have all already begun for you.

If your life has, at one point, started to feel empty, or like a failure, or even started falling apart, or if you are in distress, physically or emotionally, and are feeling lost, stuck and hopeless, maybe even like you’ve been left for dead by all the wounding you’ve experienced, or by all the challenges you’ve been forced to face… and nothing makes sense anymore, and there’s nothing you can do to fix it and to get back to your old ‘normalcy’… then my story may help you see that you’re in a powerful place of potential transmutation and transformation, and that as much as it may hurt, you even called it all in, in the most perfect time, for your evolution and your highest good. And that there is a higher plan, and you can trust it, even if you can’t see it yet.

It may help you see that being knocked down is your chance to face, heal and integrate your subconscious wounds and shadows, releasing your programmed fears, the shame and the pain of your past, your own Achilles heel that you probably weren’t even aware of before, and to set yourself free from your mental prison, your conditioned identity, and the lies you’ve been tricked to live.

It may help you see that this is your chance to lift the veil of illusions, transcend the drama, traumas and falsities, and gradually remember and become who and what you really are, in the highest alignment and with higher wisdom, in your true, divine soul presence, here, in your body on Earth, which is a huge task and never smooth and easy, but the one we came here for, and the most important and rewarding one there really is, as it helps us align with our highest self, our highest path and our divine destiny, helps us rise and shine, in all our authentic magnificence and the deepest inner peace, and bring back the focus to our true values, our true desires and true passions.

It may help you see that all the suffering has been actually happening FOR you, and not to you, and that facing it all is your chance to rise from the ashes, and to come out of it all on the other side, way stronger, wiser, braver, kinder, and in every sense better than ever before, into a new reality that is beautiful beyond your imagination.

Into Love, Bliss, Peace and Clarity, like you’ve never felt and known before.

May my story help you… to suddenly Feel it. To Get It. To finally See… that behind the veil of illusions, behind all the busy-ness, the competition, the fears, the pain, the shame, the greed, the chaos and the drama, there is Love, and only Love.

And therefore Oneness, with us all being connected by Love. 

May my story help you realise that we all come from Love, and return to Love, and in between we’re dreaming, playing and suffering, at our own school of Life, simply to have fun and to learn our lessons.

Most importantly, the lesson to let Love in, because the Love we withhold is the pain we carry.

To learn that only Love is real.

May my story help you realise that we are born naked and leave naked, and all we take with us is the Love in our heart, and therefore, if we just connected with one Living Being, I mean really, deeply, truly connected, our life was already worth it.

And that we’re living in a quantum world, in which everything starts from within us, and our physical reality is merely a reflection of our inner Universe, and we can all create our own beautiful reality from the purity of our heart.

That it’s our big, fat egos that fuckeverythingup… until we kill our ego with kindness.

That lessons show up until we learned our lessons. That we are being tested, until we realise that suffering is actually not necessarily necessary anymore.

May my story help you realise that every fibre of your being is calling for a change, for a revolution, for your liberation and your resurrection.

And that this is your chance to make it all worthwhile, and to return to your highest self, in your body, to retrieve your higher states of pure consciousness and your sacred creative energies, to build your own Heaven on Earth, for the highest good of all, straight from your heart.

True story. Although I prefer to stay fairly quiet recently, and have actually been shown to just close my eyes and smile, and simply let my energy emanate and do the work for me… here is mine, shamelessly. My journey of awakening, ascension and rebirth, through all its pains, lessons, teachings, beauty and blessings, and some of the enlightening epiphanies I had all along.

May my story help you recognise and honour the challenges and the contrast your soul has chosen for you to push you to heal, on the deepest level, and to help you release the illusions of the hologram of your mind, all your fears, shame, toxicity and self-sacrifice.

May it help you perceive the gifts hiding behind your struggles. May it help you run, like you’re on fire, towards your wildest dreams. May it help you open your heart to Love, the natural state of our Being, so that Love can heal you and guide you Home, to the You you were always meant to be, and to your own miracles.

Enjoy reading (below).

With Love,

Dr. Isabella

(Actually, after ALL I’ve been through, and healed and transcended and bloomed from within, I feel like I deserve a new name. And a crown👑 Ok, a halo😇)




I used to live a ‘normal’ life. I used to be ‘smart’ and ‘successful’, and ‘happy’ and ‘nice’, at least as much as I thought was possible. Until suddenly, I was shaken from the dream. Without a warning, my whole life got turned upside down and pulled out from under my feet, quicker than I could comprehend what’s happening to me, and as soon as I managed to stand up, something else happened that pushed me on my knees, over and over again. It was literally one WTF moment after the other.

It took some time until I saw the bigger picture and understood. I’ve been forced, by some higher powers, sometimes kicking, screaming, and in tears, to face my deeply buried wounds and shadows, to heal, integrate and transform, on the deepest soul level. My path had to be cleared and everything put in place for what I asked and longed for all my life. At times, it all felt like a pressure so great that I thought I would break, and all I could do was surrender. I felt like dying.

I actually had to die, again and again, and again and again, facing and releasing lifetimes of programming, conditioning, pain and karma, in the most painful cycles of death and rebirth… until I finally broke free and found myself.

And the whole Universe within my heart.

I had to lose everything I thought mattered, to finally become whole within, on all levels, as my authentic, balanced, connected, aligned, blissful, fully actualised self… and realise that it’s all an inside game.

I had to create story after story, after story of trauma and suffering, to learn to push through the pain, and find the truth, as well as my strength, my grace, my glory and my gifts.

I had to give away all my power, to finally be able to take it all back. I had to feel helpless and powerless, to finally empower myself, and now be able to empower others too.

I had to have my heart broken, again and again, to finally have it crack wide open, with all blocks removed, so that life force energy, divine Love, could flow in me and through me, healing me and the world around me.

I had to lose my mind and learn to trust my heart’s calling, to realise that our heart simply Knows, even what our mind can’t comprehend. That magic is science we don’t yet understand. I had to learn to step into my Knowing, and see beyond fear.

I had to realise that our mind is like a computer that can be infected, controlled, manipulated and programmed, but our heart always lives in truth. That when we get down to the heart of the matter, the heart is the only thing that matters.

I had to learn to stop thinking so much and rely on my heart’s truth to lead me, until the Truth could finally decontaminate, purify and upgrade my mind, and my heart and brain could finally merge, in perfect balance, alignment and harmony, in the beautiful, sacred marriage of instinct and intellect, love and logic, our own feminine and masculine energies within.

I had to purify my energies, by releasing all low-vibrational frequencies, shedding layers and layers of deceit, hurt and betrayal, rejection and abandonment, and lots of fear and shame, to be able to open my heart and allow it to be filled with the healing power of Love.

I had to realise that the only way negative emotions could leave my body was through it. I had to learn to appreciate every trigger that brought up deeply buried wounds for clearing, and welcome in every healing crisis, accepting suffering on a whole different level.

I had to dig to the bottom of my soul to find my deep rooted fears, face them, and pull them out of the ground for good. I had to realise that my fears were just a product of thoughts I created, and actually just an illusion, and transmute them into Love.

I had to endure the greatest pain, silently, often feeling like my soul is being ripped right out of my body, and still keep my heart open, to learn to transmute pain into power, straight from my heart.

At times, it all felt like the cruelest, most merciless horror movie, as my heart, and actually my whole life was set on fire, but in the end, it all set me free and turned out to be the most beautiful, miraculous, magically rewarding journey of my life.

It brought me the deepest healing and the most gentle peace I’ve ever known, a permanent, quiet, serene, unflustered, content state of mind and the most blissful feeling from within that only comes from an understanding of oneself and of all creation.

Where before, in my ‘normal’ happiness, I was often sitting on the edge, waiting for the next thing to come and make me happy, controlled by a rollercoaster of emotions, now I lean back in calm and comfort, completely washed over by Love.

It’s the sweetest exhale. And the truest happiness. It’s Freedom. It’s Bliss.

I had to fall in Love, with my soul in another body, deeper and more than I ever thought possible, and then find Him within me, to finally fall in Love, utterly and unconditionally, with every bit of myself, and therefore with all creation.

I had to realise that I was actually not falling, but rising into Love.

I had to realise that it’s all about Love. That unconditional Love is the frequency of existence itself, and the most transformational medicine. That Love is Source energy, life force energy, it is ‘God’, and it is within us, if we let it in. And that it heals us, and lifts us up to where we belong. And that to come upon Love without seeking it is the only way to find it, and… you better be ready.

I had to learn to surrender as the flame of cosmic Love burned away all falsities in my life, and shattered and dissolved my ego, the programming and conditioning that has been keeping me down and stuck, in lack, separation and duality consciousness, so that I could fly to Heaven, shift into a new vibrational frequency that has not ever been available to us before, and bring it back down to ground on Earth.

I had to learn to navigate my way through the darkness, and endure and overcome massive trials and tribulations, until I cleared all lower vibrational frequencies and density, and everything that has been ‘dead’ inside me got resurrected, by Love.

I had to learn that suppressing our negative emotions, and resisting, denying, ignoring, or numbing our pain just intensifies and prolongs it, and that surrender is the answer to all pain and duality. That when we let our conflicts rage on in our minds and bodies, they slowly quiet down, and leave. That surrender is not weakness, because you choose to surrender when you realise that control is an illusion anyway.

I had to learn to not attach to stories around my negative emotions, wallowing in self-pity, but instead to face them head on, and so let them pass through me, finally releasing them for good.

I had to realise that tears are just a release of negative energy and bring healing to the heart, just as rain brings healing to the Earth, and that they are often necessary to melt away the walls created around our heart, which sabotage us, not only in how we feel inside, but also in our relationships, and in our creations, as true creation occurs, totally naturally and effortlessly, through our heart.

I had to learn that the more pain, fears and other density I released, the higher I shifted, and the more Love, insights and universal truths were flooding in.

I had to learn to rest, reflect and recuperate, to fully open up to Receiving.

I had to realise that I am a human BEing, and not a human DOing, and that it’s perfectly ok to, especially at times of vibrational shifts, only be able to breathe.

That we are worthy, just for Being, nothing to prove, nobody to impress, except ourselves.

I had to learn to close my eyes to really See, and to stop thinking to Feel, and to trust how things/people felt versus how they looked.

I had to realise that there are no coincidences, and accept to be guided by synchronicities, as they became impossible to ignore. I had to realise that ‘angel numbers’ were in fact activation codes, as 1111, 222, 333, 444, 555, 777, 144, 369, 717, 911 were suddenly everywhere, daily. I had to learn to pay attention to the messages I got through dreams, songs and animals, and learn to acknowledge the ‘angel chills’ that ran through me as confirmation of truth.

I had to release all attachments and walk away from the old me, surrendering all, to step into who I was always meant to be.

I had to even release the need to know what’s ahead. I had to learn to Trust.

I had to realise that the art of Knowing is knowing what to ignore, and that I really know nothing, yet I feel everything, with immense clarity. I had to keep surrendering and learn to give up control, until I realised that I can finally relax, because there is a divine plan, and I am divinely guided and protected. I had to learn to trust my intuition, connect with my higher self, and, with blind faith, allow higher powers to lead me, until I finally made it, out of the illusionary ‘reality’ of the lack- and fear-based 3D matrix, into fifth dimensional (and above) love, abundance and unity consciousness.

Out of my ego, into my soul, in my body.

I had to be okay with hibernating in near complete isolation for months, just connecting with Nature, to allow my transformation to take place, and to realise that true happiness really comes from within, and is completely independent of anybody or anything external.

I had to fall in love with taking care of myself, with nurturing, cherishing and honouring myself. I had to learn to prioritise my growth and wellbeing over anything else. With my light to density ratio constantly increasing, and ‘weird’ things happening now even in my physical body, I had to learn to accept that Light-Body and DNA activation are a real thing, and at a point where I thought I already did it all in medicine, and also in life, I had to take up and study all kinds of new things, from quantum healing and energy medicine to shamanism, hypnotherapy, frequency healing, etc., to find new tools to make it all easier for myself, taking my knowledge of healing to a whole different level. But there were still days I couldn’t even get up from bed, and the life I once had was just a far, sweet memory.

Sometimes it made me sad, but the Love I felt inside gave me so much hope and power, and somehow I knew that something amazing was waiting for me, even if I didn’t know what, and I knew that I can only move forward, there’s no way back. I had to learn to act ‘as if’.  But I often felt like I’m driving in the deepest fog, just hoping that the road would show up in front of me. And it always did.

I had to build up and keep my faith, blindly, as the old worlds behind me collapsed, with the new world still nowhere to be seen, with me floating somewhere in between for quite a while, all by myself, on a bubble of only Love and compassion, for everybody, and nobody understood, actually I’ve been attacked a lot (which showed me that I still had inner work to do).

I had to learn to stay away from distractions and to not let others pull me in their storm, but to instead pull them into my peace, whenever possible, and if not, to simply disengage, to not allow any lower frequencies or beliefs into my life.

I had to learn to recognise darkness behind friendly masks, and take the trigger, but then block, ignore, stop talking to, and walk away from anybody with a dark agenda, hidden or obvious (Who remembers the scenes from the film ‘The Matrix’, in which anybody can suddenly turn into Agent Smith?), so that I could face and heal whatever lower vibe emotions it brought up in me.

I had to realise that whatever darkness I still experienced in the world around me and was affected by was just mirroring back the shadows I still had in me, to help me face and release them. As I did, and at one point, my energy became untouchably pure and stable, darkness simply vanished from my life.

I realised that as within, so without.

I realised that evil is not the opposite of good, it is the absence of it. That darkness is not the opposite of light, it is the absence of it. That some are completely devoid of or disconnected from Light, and some are Light, contaminated with darkness.

I realised that darkness is nothing, and light is everything, and sooner or later, Light always wins.

I realised that only Light (Love) can drive out darkness. Not that it’s my favourite thing to do, or I am even willing to give any attention to darkness anymore. It’s unnecessary drama, and it’s boring, and also, what we give our attention to, grows.

I actually had to spend my whole life trying to help and save others, and often feel unappreciated, and often worse, to develop compassion and an understanding for others’ resistance to growth and change, but most importantly, compassion for myself, and I realised that the only person I had to save was me, and as much as I could, help those who are innocent enough to receive, who came to me with their heart open and their mind free, and children and animals, and of course Nature.

I realised that I have made Magic out of my wounds, and that this gave me every right to be cautious about who is allowed to experience me. That the fruits of my labour are not for everyone to bite into. And that I get to choose how I want to live from now on.

My ego tried to come back out, again and again, desperately fighting for its survival, trying to trick me back into temptation, doing things that were not aligned with my highest path, for money, fame or whatever, but I was smarter and stronger, and did not let myself be trapped again😇I learned to make fun of it, just saying ‘Thank you, but not today Satan’, sending it love, and sending it away.

I realised that the best question we can ask ourselves, putting our hands on our heart, is: “Do I really, really, Really want this?” I love talking to my heart, where my higher self resides, it has the best answer to everything, so amazing!

And I realised that I mainly just want to sing and dance, and play, and walk barefoot on the beach, and bask in the sunshine, and watch flowers grow, and breathe in the breeze from the ocean, and spread Love, and enjoy creating from my heart, and delight in all creation around me, and hug and kiss and laugh a lot, and connect with people on my frequency, and help the ones on the way there, and give gratitude for it all. Without a worry in the world, because life is perfect. Life simply IS.

It’s all the things I loved doing as a child, before my social programming and conditioning began. We all didn’t come here to stress and to struggle, trying to do things to impress people we often don’t even know, who are lost and trapped. When we tune in, we get amazing ideas to create amazing things for the greatest good, which truly fulfil us and make us happy.

And I realised that we bring Peace to the world by loving ourselves.

Many didn’t understand, but it’s all good. I forgive. I actually had to be judged, bullied, betrayed, taken advantage of, and persecuted, to be able to rise above all the drama, to learn to stand strong and develop healthy, non-negotiable boundaries. I know I created it all, so that I can heal it.

I finally got honest with people about who I am, and if somebody was not coming to me from a place of love, kindness and respect, I accepted that they were not meant to be in my life, until maybe, at one point, they could.

I actually had to be surrounded by cold people with lost souls and trapped hearts, and freeze internally, bone deep, from the emotional blocks of those around me, to finally really open my heart and connect with my wounded inner child, and heal Her, with my Love.

I learned to hug and kiss myself, and the Ho’oponopono prayer (I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you) became one of my favourite mantras, and I’ve been saying and singing it to myself (and also others), going back in my mind to every situation where I ever disrespected myself (or them).

I had to forgive myself for everything I did to myself while sleeping.

I learned to give myself the purest and most beautiful Love there is, and I realised that unconditional self-Love is our salvation, and that it also naturally magnetises beautiful people, on the same vibrational frequency, with open and awakened hearts and minds, into our life.

I had to feel the emptiness, the duality, the toxicity of relationships based on egoic desires and conditional love, attachment and co-dependency, to know what Love is not. That what most people call love, is actually attachment, due to fear. And that if you don’t heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

That real Love always requires sufficient self-reflection, self-Love, and a mastery of solitude. A wholeness, on both sides.

That real Love is recognising yourself in another. That it is truly respecting and honouring ourselves, as well as our partner, and holding each other’s heart safe, always. Being the safe-guarder of each other’s shadow, instead of judging or denying it.

That real Love never controls, manipulates or deceives, never drains and never hurts you. That it heals you, by breaking down the walls you built up against it (this hurts), helping you really open your heart, and bringing you closer and closer to your soul. I learned that if Love is true, separation is an illusion.

That Love is gentle and unifying, and patient and kind, and keeps no record of wrongs. That it gives freedom and trust, and rests in blind faith. That it always protects and always perseveres, and totally rejoices in truth. That it never fails and never dies. That real Love is what it takes to have a healthy, balanced, beautiful partnership, a true Union, and not just a relationship based on attachment.

I realised that sexuality is sacred. That at its highest, sex is a meditation. A prayer. A communion with God. A dissolving into the ocean of the Infinite. The ecstatic uniting of the God and the Goddess within self, in both partners. Sacred Energy Exchange.

I realised that wrong is wrong, even if everybody is doing it, and right is right, even if nobody is. And that I was not born to fit in, but to shine, inspire and uplift. And that it’s not about being ‘nice’. It’s about being real, being authentic, self-aware and accountable, and embracing full transparency. And having boundaries. Honouring my space first, others second. And that in this space of self-care, being nice just happens, and it’s true and authentic, and it flows freely and abundantly, not motivated by fear, and a need for control and validation, but by Love.

I realised that Love is the basis and the foundation of everything. That it is powerful enough to transcend any hurdle on the way to ultimate joy and fulfilment. That Love is what guides us Home, that only Love is real, and that it’s forever.

I realised that duality is an illusion, and in truth, we are all connected by Love (this is the Law of Oneness), in the holy trinity of masculine, feminine and spirit, all within us. (333 anyone? It’s your activation code.)

And that if your heart is open, you see, hear, smell, taste and sense it everywhere. It’s in the air. The birds sing, the wind speaks, the sun speaks, the trees speak Love and Unity, lovers hug, parents nurture, all channeling the divine. They all make my heart sing.

I had to realise that the more Love I shared, as it was simply flowing through me, the more I had, but the more pure my frequency became, the more my energy triggered and repelled those in a state of denial and resistance, as the light I was transmitting, which I first wasn’t aware of, mirrored back their darkness and illuminated their deeply buried wounds, to bring them up to the surface for clearing and healing, and that obviously hurts, a lot.

I tried, but couldn’t save them. They couldn’t yet see the blessing in facing our pain, and my blissful freedom probably also made their own enslavement painfully obvious to them, even if I wasn’t saying a word, and their fears, their ego, made them go in defensive mode. Holding on to their illusionary comfort zone, they pushed me away, or even tried to hurt me.

I had to realise that if I loved their soul, I forgave their ego, as we forgive a scared little child, because I’ve been there and know how much pain we usually have to endure to break through, but as much as I loved and cared for them, I couldn’t and didn’t want to dim my light and go back down to them, ever.

I had to realise that nothing is personal, it’s all about energetic resonance and frequency alignment. And that if a lower vibration collides with a higher one, it first creates chaos (like when you mix oil with vinegar), before the lower energies can be cleared and the higher ones integrated, which then finally implement the physical changes in our life.

I had to learn to not worry about other people’s motives, lessons and karma, and to shift my energy back to myself. To my growth, my path, my creations, and my desires. I had to learn to walk away to protect my peace and my balance, and I learned to honour silence. I finally learned to stop over-giving, especially to those who couldn’t appreciate me, instead I learned to love them from afar, without conditions, just holding the space and shining the light for them, knowing that, one day, they too will be able to break free from mind control, face and release their fears, heal and integrate their shadows, and be able to open their heart to the healing power of higher Love.

I realised that I didn’t come to teach them. That I came to Love them. That Love will teach them.

I had to learn to see them in their Light, as they really are, and ignore their darkness, to support them energetically, knowing that, in the end, everybody will surrender to Love (even if not in this lifetime), because resisting it is just too painful. I had to accept that we all have to save ourselves, and that there is a divine plan and timing to everything. A holy order. Because we are on a sacred journey here on Earth.

I had to learn to stay faithful to my inner values, and choose Love, over and over again, even if everything spoke against it, and keep clearing shadows and density, mine and the collective’s, dissolving layer by layer of pain, trauma, and earthly programming and conditioning, through many cycles of dark nights of the soul (actually of mind control, or my ego, that was dying), to rise higher and higher, into the vibrational frequency of pure, divine love and enlightenment.

I had to learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, and with living in the void. I had to suffer the past, and worry about the future, to finally learn to master the moment and embrace the Here and Now, and realise that this present moment is the still-point, the sweet-spot, the vortex, where all the beauty and magic happens.

I had to feel betrayed and victimised, to realise that the sun shines from within me, and that I can rise up, again and again, higher and higher, and stronger than ever before, all the way into holy dimensions of joy, serenity and co-creation with the Universe, for the highest good.

I had to learn to visualise my highest self, and start embodying and showing up as Her.

I had to be dismissed, discredited and disempowered, again and again, to find clarity, my voice, and my own validation.

I had to lose everything external to realise that the only things that truly matter are truth, purpose, joy and love. And that it’s all already within us. That the whole Universe is.

That the ocean really is in the drop. All inside us, in our heart.

I had to fall for and suffer the illusion of separation and the false template of duality, to finally be able to transcend it, and taste the Oneness of creation. I had to shift from serving myself to serving the Light and mother Earth, for the highest good of all, and realise that, at our core, we are all One, and we are all looking for Love, even if we’re all unique and on different parts of our journey, with our own, specific blocks and lessons.

I realised that every single person and every single situation in my life has been called in by me, and every single one of them played their parts perfectly in my game of life, to help me get to where I am today, and I know I did the same for them, and I am still mindblown about the perfection of it all. Whether they mirrored back to me not seeing my own worth, or a closed heart, or fears, doubts, shame, or hanging on to egoic attachments, they all helped me clear it all and set myself free.

So whether you pushed me or pulled me, drained me or fuelled me, loved me or left me, hurt me or helped me, you are a part of my growth, and no kidding, I thank You. I See You🙏

I had to be brutally broken, almost ready to give up, to realise how strong, beautiful and worthy I am. All from within.

And I learned to stop making myself smaller to make others feel comfortable around me, while me being uncomfortable around them. At the same time, I learned to be humble, always.

Actually, one of the most alluring qualities of awakened men and women is their humility, and it washes over us once we realise that whatever wisdom, gifts and talents we have accumulated to offer the world and share with humanity… is not because of us, it just simply flows through us, when we are a clear vessel. I feel it especially when I sing and dance, and when I walk on the streets and notice people looking and smiling at me, and also when I start talking or writing, upon inspiration. It’s all coming from above. It is Love. I am just connected.

I had to let go of all lower-vibrational things, people and situations that would have held me back from my heart’s purification and my true path. Including my ‘successful career’ of over 20 years. I simply could not continue ‘diagnosing’, ’medicating’ or ‘supplementing’ ‘diseases’, even holistically (my last specialty was Anti-Aging & Regenerative Medicine), when I knew that healing and happiness are always in our own hands, and our own responsibility. All I can do is help, guide, empower and inspire those who are willing to do it themselves, and share the wisdom, the knowledge and the know-how I gained to help them be successful at it, body, mind and soul, which I continue doing through my books, coaching and retreats.

And I share my light, with everybody who is able to receive it. I’ve also been shown how to heal with my touch. And I seem to be hugging people awake. Many go through a sudden heart awakening after I’ve hugged them. I love it, I love hugging, we should all do it much more!

I simply cannot sit in a clinic behind a desk anymore. I can’t do a ‘job’, I’m here on a mission, for Love. Not that I didn’t try in the beginning, stubbornly and repeatedly, back then still stuck in my conditioned Dr. persona, and I guess also in a ‘we have to struggle’ and a ‘poverty princess’ mindset… I actually had to lose EVERYTHING material I owned, and for a while, be blocked from all sides money-wise, to finally surrender it all and stop worrying about money, and decide to be happy nonetheless.

And I realised that everything I thought was keeping me safe was actually imprisoning me. That attachment is the root cause of all suffering, and I released it ALL.

At a time when my heart was the only thing I had left, I realised I had it ALL.

I realised that God created nudity, and man created shame. I healed and released the shame, and accepted whatever.

I learned to trust that whatever is meant for me will come, and started caring only about my alignment, my growth, my wellbeing, my energy and my creations, planting seeds, for the highest good of all, implying action when inspired, and knowing that the flowers will bloom, even if I couldn’t see them yet.

I learned to notice and appreciate abundance all around me. And as I’ve been serving the Light, I soon noticed that the Light started serving me back. God/Source/Spirit became my sugar daddy😀 Money is energy and a beautiful resource to make a difference, and I use it to inspire and to create, and to go to beautiful places, anchoring higher frequencies everywhere, and although I love simplicity and don’t really need anything anymore, I do also Love beautiful experiences/places/food/creations, and some of them cost money, therefore I Love money, and money Loves me😇

Being a good person doesn’t mean we have to be poor. On the contrary, the higher our vibration, the better we attract. Money is just not our priority, creation from our heart for the highest good is, and then, once we released our fear, shame and guilt ego energies, and opened our heart to giving and receiving, money just flows, freely and effortlessly.

I had to learn to let go of all thieves of joy and peace, and everything fake, even some life-long friends, to guard my energy, my Light, and to make space for the new and aligned. I had to learn to follow my bliss and my true passions, and finally stand strong in my knowing, and not be ashamed of it.

I had to lose all my ego masks, the identity I’ve been programmed and conditioned into, and that I worked so hard for so many years to build, to finally put on my Soul, and become one with its grace and glory.

And with my ego totally silenced, divine will and my free will became totally aligned in my body, and life became effortless. Life became Magic.

I had to fly high, to finally be safely grounded on Earth. To know that I am safe, always. And that I am here for a reason.

I had to fly with angels, walk with dragons, dance with fairies, ride with unicorns and become one with gods and goddesses, and actually the whole Universe, to see that I am a flower, and that I am blossoming.

Like the tree of life.

I had to go high in spirituality, to land in the most beautiful reality, and realise that life is really supposed to be FUN.

I had to let go of all safety nets and lose all comfort zones, to suddenly find that the whole Universe is inside me, and I actually get to create it, with my vibrational frequency, from the purity of my heart.

To realise that we all create our own hell, or Heaven on Earth.

That they are not places, but simply different levels of consciousness. That we can all transcend the “hell” of staying stuck somewhere we don’t belong, trapped by lust, desires, addictions, and a need for outside validation, stressed, in our own perpetuation of suffering, living with limiting beliefs and a closed heart, in a mental, emotional or physical prison, in lack mentality, and a blame, shame and victim/victimiser program.

We all create our own suffering, and only we can stop it. No one else can. WE have to do the work ourselves. If we expect someone else to do the work for us, it won’t work, and only they, not we will receive the benefits.

I realised that the whole awakening and ascension process is about shifting into higher dimensions energetically, all the way to Christ consciousness, which humans would normally only experience after physical death, except this time we actually get to merge these higher frequencies with our body, fully alive. We are merging Heaven and Earth, into a new physical reality, and it’s more and more of us there now, all over the world, to help our planet transition from the darkness of Kali Yuga into a new golden age, the Age of Aquarius.

I realised that the most beautiful place on Earth is the centre of my own heart. That our heart is where life truly begins, it is from where we create our reality, with our own vibrational frequency.

I became a vibrational snob.

I learned to shut out distraction from any lower vibrational noises, and to go within and breathe into my heart, until I reached a vibrational state of ineffability, completely washed over with Peace and cosmic Love energy, and the deepest awareness of expansion and unlimited potential. And so much gratitude!

I became non-triggerable. Nothing can upset me anymore.

I go for a walk in nature every day and say ‘I love you’, at least silently in my heart, to every tree, flower and bird, to the sea, to the sun, to smiling people, and looking up in the sky, I could cry tears of joy from the sheer beauty of it all. It’s Bliss, and it’s forever, once we’ve done our inner work and healed our shadow.

True story. I had to cry endlessly, to finally smile forever. Because out of the heart of the darkness is born the Light. I had to let myself fall deep in the mud, to be able to rise above it, like a lotus flower, and find an ocean of Love, inner peace, joy, creativity and abundance, all within me.

And to finally realise that I am an Alchemist.

That I REALLY am the creator of my reality.

That I get to choose how I play my game of life.

That I simply have to BE the energy I want to attract.

That because of Love, I became a Transmitter of Light.

So what’s the main message?

A true awakening is no joke. You suffer, you awaken, you face and clear your wounds to ascend into higher and higher states of vibrational frequency, and then you ground these vibrations on Earth. You are resurrected. You are reborn. You become Love. And you become a Transmitter of Light.

We have to go deep in the darkness, often in cycles, to be able to come into the Light and build our own Kingdom of Heaven. Everything else is just spiritual bypassing.

And a ‘mind awakening’ is not yet an awakening. Your heart has to awaken, and as it does, it will want to purify you, and will not tolerate anything fake, superficial or loveless in your life. Because Love is the basis and the foundation of everything. There is no ‘consciousness’ without purity of your heart.

There is only Love and Unity Consciousness. It’s the only truth. And when it’s your time to shift, you swim and flow with the changes, or you sink.

Will you change?

I didn’t really change. I just became me, with the distractions and distortions removed. All real, all healed, all humbled and empowered, whole, authentic, balanced, connected and aligned. I returned to my innocence. I came Home… to myself. And I realised that I am an eternal spark of Divinity, packaged and wrapped in a beautiful human body that I treat with the utmost love, honour and compassion.

My Love activated, pushed, triggered, lead and guided me all the way, mostly from higher realms, and I will be forever grateful, and in Love, for eternity.

Is awakening always associated with such a deep sense of loss and suffering?

Most often yes… There is no growth in the comfort zone, and without pain, there is no healing, and suffering is nearly always what we need to break through. Also, have you not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion.

You really must earn your way to Heaven on Earth😅 And there is also nothing easy about realising that you’re the one who’s been holding yourself back all the time…

It’s the hero’s sacred journey. It’s messy. You travel through madness to find You. (Divine madness is actually an established term. Haha.)

It’s all like a spiral, and you will revisit your lessons again and again, in layers, for deeper and deeper awareness, until your lessons are turned into wisdom, and no longer contain an energetic charge to trigger you. But we all have our own, very special, unique lessons to learn, wounds to heal, and karma to transcend, so the kind of suffering may differ. Life always gives us exactly the experiences we need, as long as we need them, until we finally learn and evolve, and suffering becomes unnecessary.

It’s also all like a roller-coaster ride, and it can feel scary and daunting, blissful and exciting, exhausting and drastic and confusing, and everything in between, or it can be more fluid, based on your ability to release the illusions of the hologram of your mind, your programmed fears and karmic contracts. And of course, on your readiness to let go of falsity, toxicity and self-sacrifice, and your willingness to trust your soul’s path and to open your heart to Love.

You will get to a certain level on your journey when you surrender all, zero attachments, and that’s when you’ll know you’re there. You made it. You feel like Heaven on Earth, even without any physical or material evidence.

You persevered with a strong sense of justice and through a heightened intuition.

You trust the good and the bad, and know that there is a higher purpose behind everything. You stop struggling, stop fighting. You won’t even be trying to manifest anything anymore because you’re whole and happy, all from within, so you don’t need to, you simply trust that the Universe knows what’s best for you, even better than you do, and will bring it to you in the most perfect time.

You know that we simply have to be the energy of what we want to attract. You know that if you Feel it, it’s Yours. You know that time is an illusion. You See yourself in Eternity, so you have all the time in the world.

You know that You are the Whole Thing. You see that life as you perceive it is a reflection of your beliefs. That it is not real, but rather a dream, and since you’re the dreamer, you can consciously feel your dream to create your reality.

But you don’t attach to or try to control anything or anyone anymore. You simply flow with the Universe, you trust life, and are open to Receiving. And that’s when you’re about to manifest your heart’s desires. When you’re still hanging on to something specific, you’re not there yet.

It’s all not an overnight process, more like climbing a ladder, one step at a time. Sometimes you fall down, but you already have your tools together and ready, and know how to get back up again quickly, and all in all, you’re going higher and higher, and the higher you are, the quicker you climb.

Try to flow with the changes in and around you, because the longer you resist the crumbling of the old, of your false, conditioned identity, the more it will hurt. You can’t be reborn living the same old life with the same old people, it’s just prolonging your suffering.

The good news is that more and more people are awakened from their state of amnesia now every day, and are ascending, all over the world, and we, who are already there, are holding the grid and paving the way for the next waves coming, creating a tsunami of LOVE that is flooding the world, making it easier and easier for all.

At one point, it will happen to everybody, even if not in this lifetime. Nobody gets left behind. You might as well get through it now.

Just know that at one point on your spiritual journey, you will cross paths with your ego, this dead crust around you, made up of fear and pain, and it won’t be pretty.

You will have to be willing to look at your own darkness… Total self-exploration in brutal self-honesty.

You will realise that your ego has to be broken and thrown away for you to be set free, for your ego is the veil to the Divine. You’ll have to do a whole lot of inner shadow work, facing and healing your deepest core wounds, addictions and codependent behaviors, and raising your vibration consistently, to be in vibrational alignment with your highest possible timeline, totally redefining yourself.

It will take a lot of inner strength, self-love and forgiveness.

You’ll suffer… a lot… and then, one day, you’ll be there. You’re no longer upset. You’re no longer mad, hurt, or even bothered by the things that took so much of your energy and thoughts. Suddenly, you’ll feel overwashed with Love. With Joy. With Peace. You’ll realise that we are living in a quantum world, and your physical reality is merely a holographic reflection of your internal Universe. And that life is supposed to be FUN.

I guess I am sharing all this to reach all those who are suffering and feeling lost, like I was at one point, because I know how very painful and tough it is… There were days when I was on my knees, just begging God to let me die… I made  it, but it would have been so much easier, had I known what’s happening to me, but my awakening started so suddenly, and I had no idea back then. I tried to get help, but couldn’t find anybody who understood.

So now you know. If you’re feeling like your world is crashing all around you, know that it is just your false, conditioned identity that is dissolving, and it’s a huge blessing in disguise. You will see later.

If your path seems way more difficult than that of your friends and your family, it is because you have a higher purpose. You have a mission.

And you are truly blessed! Your true essence awaits. You are about to find yourself, in all your grace and glory, and return to your innocence, and divine dimensions of Love, Peace, Prosperity and Unity, co-creating the Heaven on Earth template for yourself, and all.

So don’t give up. Don’t hide behind illusions.

Don’t stay trapped in a lie, behind a false sense of comfort, in a fake world of projections. It’s a completely fabricated digital holograph created around you, with the intent to create confusion, suffering and enslavement, so that you can finally heal and liberate yourself from the drama.

Surrender, trust, and transcend the BS.

Face your fears. Take off your masks. Welcome in triggers, until you are literally non-triggerable, because without triggers, your low vibrational emotions would remain stuck in your subconscious forever. Simply observe the feelings they bring up without getting attached to them, and release them. Those negative emotions are not you.

Embrace your pain, because the more we try to avoid, deny or suppress it, the more we suffer in the long term. And then forgive and forget and let go of it, understanding that it was just the catalyst you needed for your transformation.

Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma, and get out of the enslavement matrix, now.

Connect with your heart and embrace its truth, it will set you free.

In all Truth, You are Free!

Beneath any distortions, you are a beautiful being of Light (otherwise you wouldn’t have read so far). Darkness can cover it, but it cannot put it out.

Open your heart, let Love in, and let it do what it does. Let it illuminate your path. Keep wandering, and enjoy your becoming, even if it’s very raw and hurts like hell at times. You are on the most beautiful and rewarding journey of your life.

And by the way, consciousness is the new sexy. Health is the new wealth. Inner peace is the new success. Happiness is the new rich. Compassion is the new cool. Kindness is the new beautiful. Love is the new power.

And Love is the answer.

Fall in Love. Maybe it doesn’t even have to be with another person, although that’s why there are so many people on Earth… You will surely find somebody. But if not, then fall in Love with music, with art, with dancing in the moonlight, with road trips, the glistening of the stars, the colours of the Sun as it rises, with the smell of flowers, with good friends who bring out your best, with silence, with noise, maybe even just the comfort of your bed, fall in Love with little things that make you feel alive. Fall in Love with yourself. Fall in Love with life.

If Love is in your heart, you will find your way Home.

If you’re feeling lost and lonely, it’s ok. It’s only to help you realise that you are powerful and never alone. The whole Universe is with you, always. You will also soon naturally magnetise beautiful, magical humans, with open, awakened hearts and minds, your soul family, into your life. You just have to be there first. It’s all energy.

You got this. You’re a powerful, magical, divine Being, and you are divinely guided. You just have to tune in. The answers are all within you. Be still and go within.

I like to put my hands on my heart and breathe into it, as deep and long as I can, then hold it as long as I can, and then let it out with a long ahhhhhh (like a sigh of relief).

You actually don’t need support, but you may still wish to enrich your journey to bliss and enlightenment with the most powerful tools available, and get some real-life guidance from people who’ve already walked this path and found Nirvana.

After over twenty years of clinical experience and a massive spiritual awakening, I have just five things to teach: Purity, Simplicity, Love, Patience and Compassion. These are your greatest riches.

You’re very welcome to book an appointment with me. For those on the awakening and ascension path, I accept payment via donations, scaled to whatever you are happy with and able to afford, in an equal energy exchange.

Or let me know if you would like to join us for a retreat with naturopathic treatment, breathwork, dance, laughter, workshops, energy healing, shamanic works and masterplant ceremonies.

Always follow the yellow brick road. (And try Ayahuasca 😍) The best is soon to come, and it will be more beautiful than you ever imagined possible.

We are the children of Light, and we’re all walking each other Home. We came to return this world to the Paradise it was always meant to be. Nobody said it would easy. But if we know the right tools, we can actually dance and play our way through this most incredible chapter in our game of life. We just have to realise that we don’t need to suffer anymore.

One more thing. Trust your intuition. Trust the Universe. Trust your journey. Don’t talk about it with people who are not on this path yet, be it your friends, your family, psychologists, doctors, or whatever. They won’t understand, and will misguide you, due to their own unhealed shadows (fears, aka darkness… remember the agents from The Matrix?).

Listen to your internal guidance, and follow your bliss. Anything that makes your soul smile. Your heart knows the way.

I’ll see you on the other side. I love you. We’ll dance🤗


With Love,



© Dr. Isabella – hahaha just kidding, I’ve silenced my ego, so feel free to share it, we are all One Big Family of Love.


P.S.: This turned out to be way longer than intended, and there is so much more to say, maybe it should become a book… Here are also a few wonder-full expressions of thoughts and feelings from others who have been through the same journey and found Home.

“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in one drop.” ~ Rumi

“No tree can reach to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” Carl Jung

“You are your own obstacle, rise above yourself.” ~ Hafez

“Suffering has a noble purpose: the evolution of consciousness, and the burning up of ego.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

“The final mystery is oneself.” ~  Oscar Wilde

” Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”~ Rumi

“It is your wounds where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi

“To love is to recognize yourself in another.”~ Eckhart Tolle

“I looked in temples, churches, and mosques. But I found the divine within my heart.” ~ Rumi

“The best thing you could do is master the chaos in you. You are not thrown into the fire, you are the fire.” ~ Mama Indigo

“One by one, I drowned all the people I’d been.” ~ Conor Oberst

“Jesus Christ knew he was God. So wake up and find out eventually who you really are. In our culture, of course, they’ll say you’re crazy and you’re blasphemous, and they’ll either put you in jail or in a nut house, which is pretty much the same thing. However if you wake up in India and tell your friends and relations, ‘My goodness, I’ve just discovered that I’m God,’ they’ll laugh and say, ‘Oh, congratulations, at last you found out.”~ Alan Watts (And you can tell me too😀It’s all really about Christ Consciousness, like Jesus was and said.)

“When you live in complete acceptance of what is, that is the end of all drama in your life.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

“Remember this, my darling, remember this. What you achieve on earth is only a small part of the deal. If there’s a secret I could whisper, and that you could keep, it would be that it’s all inside you already. Every single thing you need. Earth is just a stopover. A kind of game. Make it a star game. If I could give you a gift, it would be to teach you how to stay free inside that game, to find the glory inside yourself, beyond the roles and the drama, so you can dance the dance of the game of life with a little more rhythm, a little more abandon, a little more shaking-those-hips.” The Afterlife of Billy Fingers

“I used to be afraid of the pain letting go of the past would cause; until I realized how much pain holding on has caused.” ~ Steve Maraboli

“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” ~ Roald Dahl

“The power is in you. The answer is in you. And you are the answer to all your searches: you are the goal. You are the answer. It’s never outside.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

“Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” ~ Alan Watts

“Everyone should consider his body as a priceless gift from one whom he loves above all, a marvelous work of art, of indescribable beauty, and mystery beyond human conception, and so delicate that a word, a breath, a look, nay, a thought may injure it.” ~  Nikola Tesla

“Why tiptoe through life to arrive safely at death?” ~ Unknown

“Above all things, have intense and unfailing love for one another.” ~ Unknown

“There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ~ C.S.

“You could never tell me who to be. I have earned these wings. My freedom is the only thing that matters to me.” ~ Mia Hollow

“When someone shows you their soul, show yours in return. Because this is how lovers meet; an act of courage, and an act of surrender. ~ Unknown

“Forget not that the Earth delights to feel your bare feet, and the winds long to play with your hair.” ~ Kahlil Gibran

“Dead people receive more flowers than the living because regret is stronger than gratitude.” ~ Anne Frank

“If you follow the crowd, you will usually go no further than the crowd. If you walk alone, you will likely find yourself in places no one has ever been before.” ~ Unknown

“That’s always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they’re pretty. It’s like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste.” ~ John Green

“I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” Joan d’Arc

“When love arrives, thought dies in its shadow. Love is the sunrise, while thought is only a flashing light. ~ Rumi

“It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.” ~ Rumi


And this is The Ocean in the Drop by Prem Rawat – so beautiful!

  1. Tiaan 9 months ago

    HUGE HUGS Bella! 😀
    Namaste ^_^

    • Author
      Dr Isabella 8 months ago


  2. Vihang Panse 9 months ago

    Dear Isabella, this guidance light coming from your words have blown me away. Thank you so much for sharing your life experiences! Going to read this over again. Until it sinks totally in me. Cannot thank you enough.
    Sharing this with my friends who are on the path of awakening. 🙏🤗

    • Author
      Dr Isabella 8 months ago

      Dear Vihang, my pleasure and I’m so happy to hear. Big hug🙏🤗

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